Hoi An

Hoi An was easily my favourite place in Vietnam, and is the place to go if you want anything made. The streets are narrow and filled with traditional fronted tailor shops. Trying on clothes here leaves you needing a very good excuse not buy, as within a couple of hours they'll make you a new item of clothing that fits you perfectly, in the colours you want and deliver it direct to your hotel for you. All for next to nothing. I think the the entire group had clothes made whilst here and I like the principal of being able to design your own stuff, go away for swim and a smoothie before cycling back a few hours later for a fitting as they work complete your order by the next morning.

I think the funniest (fuuny-weird) thing that happened here was after having a great day, a few of us hit a cool local bar before most headed home. The remaining two aimed to jump on our bikes and find somewhere else and succeeded easily enough. Things changed when two women asked if they could join us and then sat either side. My women, from Belgium, managed to offend me instantly by responding to my short introductory sentance with 'You have a problem with the way you speak'. A little taken back I explained I had a slight lisp but people generally don't notice. 'Oh, they notice! They just don't tell you.' She very kindly replied. Apparently I sound like I have marbles in mouth. What happened to my Queens English? Last I heard I had a melody to my voice! Keen to stay polite, I joked about my speech inpediment until she tried to make ammends. She asked if impediment meant disability, like when you lose a leg, and with me agreeing somewhat she explained she too had an impedimant of sorts. It's near 3am and there's no one else about now really but it's too late to abort the convosation so have to crack on. I guess that maybe she has only 9 toes, but I was wrong. 8 toes? 7 toes? 6? I really don't know what to say so continue to count down until she steps in with 'I have a disease of the blood'. I can hazard a guess at what this is, the women is pretty pale and skinny, so attempt to agree it's a rubbish topic of chat anyway, lets find a new one. She wispers in my ear that she's HIV anyway. Great, what can I say to that? I tell her that I now like have marbles in my mouth and am thinking of getting some more.

Feeling quite awkward, I turn to my Irish counterpart to see if he can bail me out of this grave conversation. I was upset to see his new friend, although Kiwi, is actually part Irish and a fantastic singer, and between them they're jollily belting out 'It's a Long Way to Tipperary'. I turn back to to my Belgium 'friend' to continue our discusion on deadly illnesses.